Who am I actually? I'm lost. I don't know myself. But I'll let you know some insight of my shell.
I go by the name Gen in this wired world of illusions and where anything is possible. My real name is Khairul. My dad is malay while my mum is chinese. Everything is well with my family, no conflict or such. And an older brother who keeps pestering me yet I love him.
Best friends? I don't have any real life 'best friends'. I spit to those who claim they're your 'best friend' yet they stab you in the back. But anyway, as in the Internet, I got lots of good friends who stayed with you no matter what happens. Even when you're a raving self-mutilation psychopath.
I owe to them for guiding me away from doing something stupid.
Perhaps my life back then was suicidal? I don't know.
I hate it.
I think as myself as an artist. Both drawing for other people so they can benefit from it either happiness and hope or hatred and worthlesness and to draw to end my suffering, my hatred. To FEED my hatred. Whatever.. I like Goth and Fantasy art. Some Bishounens aren't that bad too. I just love their serene expressions.
Love? My little black heart doesn't deserve the feeling that you called love. As I know, I only loved one person in my whole life too much. I was young and foolish. Naive about love. And I paid the price for it dearly. To trust love again is a painful process.
I crave for it.
I'm 17 and I've just finished my schooling year so I'm waiting for my school exam results. Probably it'll take 2-3 months. So I'll be working at a fast food for the time being. As well as practicing my art.
I've been carving my fingertips with my penknife again. The pain was good. But, I think I should stop being such horrible and twisted person. With the current income I think I should be able to buy the Tarot cards that I always wanted. I might as well buy a candle holder and some of those fragrant big candles. I love aromatherapy. Helps to calm the beast.
I should go to sleep.