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Hindi/Indian movie 101: A guide to Indian movies. - a box of bones [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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Hindi/Indian movie 101: A guide to Indian movies. [Dec. 19th, 2002|11:05 am]
Gen
[Current Mood |amused]
[Current Music |Combustion - Psykic Trance]

*courtesy of Bokson*

..................................

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always
grow up on different sides of the law. The
law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new
leaf before the end, bash up the good guy (who is the
*real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins
before the last-scene family reunion. This is possible
only if he has a heroine - (see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number
of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will:
(a) die
(b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland
before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in the movie, they will fight
each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they
are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection
milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it
will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's
best friend (the second hero). Else, she will be raped
by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and then
commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the
villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will
never:
(a) miss
(b) run out of bullets
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always
miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule
2).

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity
of a stack of:
(a) pots
(b) barrels
(c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces

9. During the fight nobody gets hurt. Between the hero
and the villain, there will be a lot of acrobatic and
fist fights [dsh dsh dsh] but they will still get up
and fight. At the end of 5 to 10 minutes of fighting,
the bad guys will suddenly get up and run.

10. Any movie involving lost + found brothers will
have a song sung by:
(a) the brothers
(b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be
blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)

11. Police Inspectors (when not played by the hero)
are of three categories:
(a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father -
killed by the villain before the starting titles.
(b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in
Rule 1), saying "Tumkanoon se bach nahin sakte", only
to pat him in the back in the last reel. Usually, this
inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
(c) The corrupt inspector (usually the real villain's
sidekick), who will be unceremoniously knocked about
by the hero(s) in the climax.

12. If the police inspector is not played by the hero,
then the hero will catch all the bad guys and the
police will arrive only to take them away. BUT if the
hero gives a speech after this to the main villain,
then the police will hang around until his speech is
over.

13. Any love scene always involve the lovers playing
catching, hide and seek, and swinging around coconut
trees.

14. Usually during the first half-an-hour of the
movie, the hero and the heroine hates each other or
one of them hates the other. But suddenly the whole
scene reverses within seconds and they fall in love.
Of course this is followed by Rule 13.

15. If the hero and heroine gets married earlier in
the movie, then during the rest of the movie, there
will be conflict and quarrel [a lot of crying] between
the two. In the end, of course, all the
misunderstanding will be solved.

16. Last scene of the movie will normally have all the
surviving main characters [all except the villains who
are either dead or in jail] in the movie standing in a
semi circle facing the camera and laughing.

17. In the older movies, the final fight starts at
level ground, and ends on top of a cliff or some tall
structure with the villain falling off the cliff or
tall structure to his death.

.....................................

(Note: No offense to Indian movie lovers out there, we all sorta love indian/hindi movies out there.)

XD XD XD XD XD XD


And of course, my computer still pretty unstable for the time being. So yeah, I won't be appearing in the internet that much.. Not in #rosa yet, just email and LJ.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: obsidianmcnight
2002-12-19 06:03 am (UTC)
You forgot the elephant. A film hero raised with/by an elephant will always be saved by that same elephant near the end of the film. The elephant usually dies too, unless it's a happy movie.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bonebox
2002-12-20 03:12 am (UTC)

Re:

Yeah, They got that too but with the older movies.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: onion_sama
2002-12-29 06:26 pm (UTC)
Egad, someone should publish this and name it the Science of Watching Hindi movie or something XD XD I usually can't even sit thru the first half of ANY hindi movie - plus I tend to laugh when everyone else cries.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: bonebox
2002-12-29 06:58 pm (UTC)

Re:

Haha, same here. Not really a big fan of Hindi movies. Agh, sometimes it's the same style (corrupt cop, bad heroes etc etc. See rules posted) but different storyline, berlian kena curilah, mak butalah, father kaki pukul etc etc. XD
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)